Chaotic Wholeness: Handing Over My Life
Dear Richard –
Something very powerful has settled within me. It is actually astounding…and feels as if I have “come home” in the most profound way. This is a home within that I know, dwelled in sporadically over the years, yet couldn’t seem to stay in.
For you the reader, let me just say that this “home sanctuary” inside brings me heightened pleasure in all that I do and a sense of deep belonging – not necessarily to the world that we can all see, but instead to something much larger that cannot be explained in words. It is that interconnection that you Richard speak of.
How did this happen? I understand in a more embodied way now that this chaotic wholeness that you speak of Richard resonates within me and all living things in the cosmos. I understand that there is an order present within the seeming disorder….inside and outside of me. Yet, I did not trust this order. Instead, for most of my life, I felt that I must control things in life to stay “safe” and “secure” – a belief/thought systems approach to guaranteeing that I would never feel fully free.
I too know deep within my cells that everything is interconnected. This interconnection and attraction is happening in every moment. Now I feel it! It is not just mind talk….it is heart whispering! What happened to nudge me where I am now staying within myself??
Since I can make up any story I want (and mind you I am aware it is only a story) here goes. I have literally handed over my life to inner guidance, outward signs and messages, and following wherever my heart takes me. Along with that goes complete and absolute TRUST. Not just some of the time, but all of the time.
Oh, yes I catch my mind cooking up schemes to take me into fear, lack, or anxiety, but thankfully I must have passed some sort of God/Spirit/Creator test because it amazingly doesn’t stick. My mind is turning back flips trying to get my attention…but baby I am not buying the old beliefs being paraded out in new clothes and razzle dazzle in an attempt to disguise the true agenda here – to keep me stuck, in doubt, anxiety ridden, fear based, and in a carefully constructed box for safe keeping.
Could it be as simple as that I ask? Well if you were living my life right now you would have to take notice. The amount of synchronicity that happens on a daily basis – that I now notice mind you – is amazing! For just one small example I will tell you a little story:
10 days ago now I decided to take a little early evening walk in the condo complex that I am living in, temporarily housed by a very generous and gracious friend by the name of Judy. On that walk the first thing that I realized was that it was not only peaceful and quiet where I was staying, but the entire complex was like that (right in the middle of Central Austin!).
Not only that, but the mature trees everywhere, the landscaping, creeks and green space that surround the entire complex, friendly diverse residents, and the natural beauty left me walking back home with a smile on my face and happiness within. I felt blessed to simply live here for a while until I found a place of my own.
Then it happened. That small whisper of guidance telling me to imagine that I did have a place of my own here….a home sanctuary where I could do my creative work and feel at peace within a community…and very close to everything that I frequent. In fact not more than 10 minutes from organic food, yoga studio, spring fed lap pool, live music, culture, walking paths around the lake…well, you get the picture.
It should be noted that before I moved here I had been looking at lease listings near the downtown area and had set my sights on being right in the middle of everything. Once here, I realized that perhaps that “must” should dissolve into “let’s see what unfolds itself”. It was from that place of handing over that I took that walk.
The heart direction was obviously telling me to imagine myself living in the complex, but I took it one step further from leasing. I expanded that vision to buying something in the complex (even though my current financial status would not indicate that was possible at all!) It felt like the Divine Design that Richard speaks of was taking me down a path of discovery here.
When I returned back to the condo that I am currently staying at I spoke to Judy about how I felt about the complex on my walk and that I would like to consider leasing, or even buying a unit here. She was thrilled and, of course, had a Home Owners Association newsletter right next to her and showed me the addresses of the units for rent and those to buy. She suggested that perhaps I should contact my real estate agent and have her show me some properties that were for sale, and also call the owner of the one for lease.
I dutifully kept following through by my hearts GPS and e-mailed my real estate contact. The owner for the unit for rent did not answer his phone, and there was surprisingly no message machine. Going to bed imaging that I was living here in my own home sanctuary, I woke up in the morning to find a note on the refrigerator from Judy. It said, “please include me in looking at the Hemingway property (one of the few single story units here) because I may buy it”! Needless to say I laughed out loud. Perhaps it wasn’t right timing for me to buy…but someone else was going to buy it and lease it to me!
Without getting any lengthier in this story I will just say that I have held the possibility of living in this complex within me. We did go see the Hemingway property, and a couple of others. Within 3 days of my declaring that I was happily living here, Judy put an offer down on the single story 3- bedroom/2 bath unit opening onto a green space with beautiful trees, and the sellers accepted it which was $11,000 less that what they had been asking for.
Judy gets here investment property, I receive a home sanctuary, and I am still smiling at the miracle that unfolded right before my eyes! Listen to the heart directed inner guidance, take action from that guidance….and then hand it over. It may not go exactly as you envisioned it to, but it will always be the right thing to happen for your highest good.
My mantra for each day: Guide me. Protect me. I will follow through from your guidance leading with my heart. Thank you for your guidance that you give to me. I am always open to receive more and more. I surrender with courage, trust, faith, passion, and arms open wide.
Would you like to live your life as if everything is a miracle? Thanks Richard!
P.S. Judy just told me she was able to lock in an interest rate at the low end which just changed today due to the economic climate here in the U.S. I had written down that she would get an interest rate at 5% or less. It was less: 4.75%!
OTHER BLOGS BY GAYE ABBOTT:
Posted on August 10, 2011, in Divine Design, Flow of Faith, Living From The Heart, Natural Wealth and tagged Acting from fear or love?, Albert Einstein and miracles, Conformity vs Follow The Heart, Divine Design, Divine Path, Gaye Abbott, Natural Wealth, Natural Wealth Journal, Richard Cawte, trusting the heart. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.